Purge by Nicole Johns

Author:Nicole Johns [Johns, Nicole]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781580052740
Publisher: Seal Press
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

Heart Trouble

I’ve just turned twenty-three, and I’ve been at the EDC for a month. Holly is curled up beside me on the blue leather sofa in the dayroom, right before Art Therapy. My arms hug my knees to my chest, and I am trying to stay calm and breathe. Is this a panic attack or a heart attack? My heart is pounding so hard, I think it’s liable to thump its way out of my chest. I picture my damaged heart lying bloody at my feet. The beat is so erratic that Holly can’t take my pulse.

In the RC office, my heart rate is 105 (my baseline is 40) and my blood pressure is registering at 130/110, compared with my baseline of 86/58. Now there is a throbbing pain in my chest and it hurts to inhale. Shannon and Brett, the two RCs on duty, page the health supervisor, who sends me to the emergency room. This is my sixth emergency room visit in two years for heart trouble.

At the hospital, I’m hooked up to an EKG that registers premature atrial contractions, premature ventricular contractions, and abnormal sinus pauses. My potassium levels are low again, which affects the rhythm of my heart. I am given IV fluids and potassium, then released.

If I continue to engage in eating disorder behavior, I will be in danger of further heart damage and a heart attack. But two days after my emergency room visit, my head is back over the toilet. I slip down the hall after dinner, when the RCs are busy giving everyone their after-dinner Maalox and Tums. I take off my shoes so no one will hear me glide down the hall, and I shut the bathroom door cautiously, taking care not to make noise. Then I quietly heave up the contents of my stomach until nothing but acid comes up. I lay my head against the toilet seat, relieved that I am empty again.

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